Deconstructing and Reconstructing

There is a tower, badly put together, precariously standing, good for little since it poses such a danger to anyone who dares go near. It has been built on a poor foundation of pride, vain ambition, insecurity, covetousness, strife. 

There is another place for another tower to be built - an unshifting place of solid rock. There are building materials, too, of kindness, generosity, submission, forgiveness, gentleness, patience, self-control, and faithfulness. 

I am a builder - where shall I labour?

A Shaft of Light

Because the struggle I face is not a unique one.
Because others facing similar struggles may have fewer resources for coping.
Because the silent cries of others could be far louder than mine, could they be heard.
Because being vulnerable and honest with my pain invites others out of their loneliness and darkness, and hope is birthed.
Because keeping up the appearance of being strong will only set up a strong wall between myself and those with whom I wish to connect.

Because you never know when, in reaching out, you are that shaft of light piercing someone else's darkness.

My Pledge

Yes, the stay home order is finally in force. Preschools are finally "closed". Work deliverables have not been suspended; in fact, they have mounted up.

It has been a few days thus far; and while it is true it hasn't been easy, the prospect of the days ahead is what I find is more psychologically straining.

And so, this pledge to help me along.

In this season, I choose to:

• be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer (Romans 12:12)
• not compare myself against others, neither making myself look good or feeling inadequate 
• cease coveting what others have, e.g. time to bake, clean their houses, craft etc. 
• lay down the perfectionist attitude - I will not attempt to cook all meals, I will learn to tolerate untidiness 
• take things moment by moment 
• be present to my child, to take this as an opportunity to get to know her more in the increased time together
• set goals for my child that extend beyond this season, even if that means forgoing her home-based learning activities; seek God for the goals we should be pursuing 
• not frustrate my child my forcing her to get through home-based learning activities that I know she is not ready for 
• look beyond the surface, i.e., the activity, and instead focus on the learning goal - and remember I can accomplish that in so many other ways
• love my child unconditionally even when that impinges on my own comfort 
• have the Romans 12:12 attitude toward my husband 
• take this as an opportunity to renew my family and home culture, to break the bad circuits
• be open to what God is bringing to my family in this season
• make time to care for myself - first of all spiritually, but also physically
• forgive myself, for I will fail - knowing that God's mercies are new every morning
• remember God's promises for each moment of uncertainly and stress 
• be thankful, helpful, giving, and prayerful toward others 
• forgive, forgive, and forgive again for others' lack of understanding toward me during this season
• obey God in not giving into a bitter attitude toward those who hurt me